My house has fallen victim to negativity.  We are constantly talking about what is wrong, what needs to be changed, what is challenging and very rarely, if ever, think about what is going right.

Part of this comes from the make-up of our family.  With so many people in one house, the vast majority of them being 5 and under, craziness is an expectation rather than an exception. 

On any given day there is fighting, mess making, yelling, not listening and many other normal kid behaviors that likely happen in every other house across America—the problem with my house is that these behaviors seem more intense, more unruly and more problematic simply because of the sheer number of kids who potentially exhibit the same behaviors at the same time or because of the fact that if every kid has the potential to act out one out of every five times that we go out, we could potentially have a spazzing kid on every outing.

At any given time, one child can be acting out, which might produce a chain reaction and lead other children to act out resulting in pure chaos, but, when considering the root of the issue: children freaking out, is that really any more different than in a household that has less children?

Should my children be held to a different standard because of how many of them there are? Or should their developmental trajectory be appreciated and nurtured regardless of the annoyance or discomfort it causes the adults?

For instance, yesterday we went to a 1^st grade concert and the twins had problems sitting still and listening.  They were antsy and vocal about their distaste for the music.  Their behavior was not uncommon, I believe that many newly turned 3 year olds would have struggled similarly, but because there were 2 of them doing the same thing, the attention was more focused on us.  Because there were 2 of them, it appeared that we had no control over the kids.  Because there were 2 of them, it seems like the idea that “we can’t take them anywhere” was really true.

The idea that I can’t take them anywhere or that people won’t like them because of their behavior is by far the most common thing I hear, which, while completely unfounded because we DO go many places very successfully thankyouverymuch, is harmful because it makes me hyper aware of all their behaviors, which makes me, mean, which makes them act out and so on.

At times, I find myself correcting their behaviors in public when they aren’t actually acting up, which can then cause them to be uncomfortable and freak out. 

For instance, in the past two days I have taken 5 kids to the dentist and 4 kids for checkups and shots with no incidents…in fact, they were pretty stellar, if I’m completely honest.  But during each situation I was constantly correcting behaviors that didn’t need to be corrected (like talking a lot, asking why and playing while they were waiting for the others to finish up), which started to fire up their innate rebellion, which started to intensify behaviors.  As soon as I backed off and let them be, they went back to perfectly civilized human beings who were actually complimented on their behavior.

So I guess  all I ask is give me a break people. If I were able to do anything mathematically besides add and figure percentage discounts when shopping, I’d wow you with some kick ass statistics that show my kids are just the same as everyone else.

For my part, I’m going to start sticking up for my kids instead of bowing to the pressure.  I’m going to make an effort to assure them that they are fine and dandy and that the rest of the world is stupid.  Sure this might cause other issues down the road, but I’d rather battle those later on than have them deal with the feelings of being abnormal.